I work with a variety of couples but specialize in helping couples with the following issues:
Couples in Frequent Conflict
It’s hard to ‘play’ with one another, sex is routine and minimal, and attempts at communication end up in conflicts. Neither of you feels appreciated and you blame one another for how painful things are. You keep trying to do things differently but it’s become ‘Ground hog Day’, a different day and a different topic, but the same fight each time.
One or both of you think, “No matter what I do, I just can’t get it right.” or “Eventually, you will get tired of all these conflicts and just leave me.”
Couples Who are Empty Nesters
The main things you had in common, the kids, are gone or soon will be. You look at your partner and wonder what you will do. This is supposed to be an exciting time, a ‘second wind’ for couples, yet you feel sad and alone. You finally have time and opportunity for sex but it feels awkward and dissatisfying. All those years of focusing on parenting tasks have left you unsure how to reach for your partner, how to communicate. You want to live your best life, but you are wondering if you can in this relationship.
One or both of you think, “Without the kids here, we have nothing in common. We will end up in divorce.” or “I feel so alone, I want things to be different, but I don’t know how it can be.”
Couples in Transition
You don’t feel understood or appreciated by the other. Conflicts are occurring over little things. You know you love this person, but you feel overwhelmed by the difficulty of communicating in the midst of all the other challenges in your ‘new reality’. You know you have a good relationship and you want to address things pro-actively, BEFORE damage is done.
One or both of you think, “It seems like nothing I ever do is good enough.” or “I need to know my partner is ‘there’ for me; right now, I am feeling pretty alone in all of this.”
Couples Living as Roommates: Emotionally Distant Couples
On the surface, you ‘get along’ but you feel hopeless. You run the household more as business partners than as a couple. There aren’t many conflicts, but there also aren’t many emotionally deep conversations. You don’t have many shared interests and wonder what will keep you together once the kids are gone. Sex has become awkward and is infrequent. It’s not a great relationship, maybe not even good, but it’s not BAD, and so you stay.
One or both of you think, “There’s no point in trying to connect, it’s not going to change anyways.” or “We never connect; I don’t think you even like me at times.”
There is stress on the relationship. You aren’t sure how to navigate individual versus couple issues, especially when they feel competing. Conflicts are occurring over little things that many straight couples don’t deal with. You both need the connection and strength of the other, but you feel misunderstood and not valued at times. Navigating through all these ISSUES feels overwhelming; sometimes it just feels bigger than both of you.
One or both of you think, “I am worried I am not the person you need me to be.” or “I am afraid you will get tired of this and leave me.”