I don’t feel heard in this relationship.” is a frequent complaint that I get when working with couples. Another is, “I don’t want to say anything as it will just make a big argument.”
Can you relate to either of these phrases? If so, it’s understandable you feel apprehensive of having conversations with your partner.
Your partner comes to you stressed out. You want to help her; make things better. So, you start making suggestions on what she should do.
She replies, “I don’t need you to fix it, I just need you to listen!”
You feel at a loss as to what to do; you thought you were being helpful. Confused and hurt, you become quiet.
She continues, “Here we go. I try to talk with you about things and you just shut down or don’t respond. You can’t just be there for me.”