It is a New Year and you may have made some New Year’s resolutions. Yay you! One of the first steps towards making a change in your life is envisioning what you want and then setting some goals towards it.
In case you are envisioning an improved relationship this year, I am hoping to give a little guidance.
Couples can often grow apart as the years go by. Although the focus is on THE relationship when a couple is in a new relationship, the priorities change to children, work, and other issues as we become comfortable in our relationships. It is ok to have other priorities, but if you don’t have the relationship as a priority, you may end up growing apart.
This year, consider setting up consistent time just for you and your partner. This could range from a nightly 15-minute ritual, to a bi-weekly date night, to a quarterly vacation. The length and frequency are less of a factor than the predictability of it. Knowing that there is a consistent connecting time helps couples navigate through the times when one or both partners might feel alone in the relationship more. So consider consciously setting up predictable times just for you two to re-connect and keep growing together.
One of the most frequent complaints I hear from couples is not feeling appreciated by the other. Both individuals can easily see what they, themselves, do to contribute to the relationship. But, those contributions may not be acknowledged by the other. That complaint inspired my blog, “How to Show Appreciation in Your Relationship so You Both Benefit.”
When we don’t feel valued in a relationship, it’s hard to stay invested and we inevitably encounter relationship problems. I understand that maybe you feel you don’t have great communication skills. That’s ok. Consider checking out the relationship tips on my blog page for some starting ideas. Often times, our partners give us credit if we TRY…so try!
I could write a book about this! At New England Hold Me Tight, this is our focus–improving communication so couples feel emotionally connected. There are many things that can be addressed when you are considering improving communication. You could work on learning how to resolve conflicts more effectively (or quickly). Another could be learning how to apologize in a manner so your partner hears you. And a third could be communicating in a way to rebuild trust. Truly, the list is endless!
As much as it can feel like such a big goal (and it is), I encourage that you start by reading Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson. My Private Couples Retreats and “Hold Me Tight Workshops®” for couples are based on this book. I believe in its effectiveness and helpfulness. Another book that many of my couples have found helpful is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
Start Improving Your Relationship Today
As much as it’s great to have a goal for the year, you might be feeling like your relationship is broken now and even be considering giving up on your marriage or relationship. As discouraging as you may feel, there is hope for your relationship.
To start on your path towards a healthier relationship, follow these simple steps:
1. Contact Bri McCarroll at New England Hold Me Tight.
2. Meet for a free 50-minute consultation (video or in office).
Either option, we will get you started back onto that path where you communicate and connect with your partner once again.
4. Re-connect again.
“Hold Me Tight®” is a registered trademark to Sue Johnson.