This exercise is based on research that noticing and acknowledging good things daily improve your mood. It’s also based on the idea of telling our partners what we LIKE helps to create a positive connection.
I encourage you do this 5-minute activity on a daily basis (or at least 5 times a week). Doing it frequently increases your connection.
Couples consistently tell me how they feel connected from doing this.
You can do this anywhere! In my marriage, we often do it on a drive, standing in line, or while sharing a meal.
First, Share Good Things About Your Day
1. Someone initiates this conversation by suggesting, “Let’s do Two Good Things Plus One Gift.” (I shorten this name to “2 Plus 1”)
2. Tell your partner something that was good about your day. It can be relatively small (e.g., “My earrings matched my outfit”) or large (e.g., “I earned a big promotion”). Speak about it for 3-5 sentences, describing what made it good, how you feel about it, etc.
3. Ask your partner to share something good about his/her day. If the answer is short, ask a question to get more details.
4. Share your second good thing, again, giving detail.
5. Encourage your partner to share a second good thing. Give time in case your partner is slow to think of something. Sometimes it’s hard to think of good things!
Then, Share a ‘Gift’ With Each Other
Here is the good part! Think about a good thing your partner did today. OR, if you can’t (sometimes we can’t), then think about a positive quality about him/her in general. I call this a ‘gift’, as it’s a kind thing you are giving your partner.
6. Share your ‘gift’ with your partner. I often use the phrase, “And my gift is: I really appreciate…..” or “One thing that I really like (or love) about you is…”
7. Then it’s your partner’s turn to give you a ‘gift’. Do not get distressed if it takes your partner some time to think of something to share. This is a new thing we are trying to do.
8. With all this sharing of good things, the only ‘rule’ is that you can’t repeat yourself. Every time you do this, think of new good things. It helps you notice more good things in your world and with your partner.
Finally, Enjoy What Was Shared
This Took a Maximum of FIVE Minutes–You Are Done!
You and your partner have just done something powerful and healthy!
- Your partner has learned about some good parts of your day.
- You have focused on something RIGHT in the world, versus something WRONG.
- You and your partner have both shown APPRECIATION to one another.
Example:
Person A: “So let’s do that 2 + 1 thing”
Person B: “Ok, let’s do it.”
Person A: “So, one good thing is I raked all the leaves today. I feel pretty proud of it. It was hard, but it’s done!”
Person B: “That is good. OK, for me, I received a text from a friend and it made me smile. We haven’t chatted in a bit, so it was nice to hear from him.”
Person A: “Ok, and my second good thing is I saw some daffodils blooming today! That was so cool to see them popping up. It made me think spring is here!”
Person B: “I saw them too! They made me smile too! Ok, my second good thing is I am having a really good hair day. I hardly did anything but it seems to be looking pretty good.” 🙂
Person A: “I agree, your hair is looking good. Ok, but that is not my gift for you. My gift is that I really like how you try new things for me. Like doing this new exercise. You are consistently willing to try new things and I just love that about you.”
Person B: “Ahh….thanks. OK, my gift is I had a really fun time going to the park and just spending time with you. I appreciate that you put time aside to do this.”
Person A: “Thanks, I really enjoyed that time too. Thanks for asking!”
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This is such a great thing to do, any time of day, but especially before bed! It’s a great practice! Thank you 😊
What a wonderful way for you to end the day! That sets you up for a nice connection right before you go to sleep. Love it. 🙂